Kung-Fool
by Joe Fenton
Summary: A Ranma 1/2 AU. The Ranma world set in America.


A Ranma 1/2 alternate universe mini-series. The Ranma world in an American setting. A PG-13 rating for language and situations.

This story and a few others can be found on my web page at  
http://www.geocities.com/jlfenton65/  
jlfenton65@yahoo.com  
  
Ranma 1/2 is a trademark of Viz Communications, Inc. and was created by Rumiko Takahashi.  
This story is of my own derivation and is not intended for commercial purposes, so please don't sue me.  


Author's Notes: I'll provide a name chart in the author notes at the end of the chapter for people who can't figure out who's who. To provide the proper American context, the ages of the characters are adjusted from the way the Japanese handle them to their American equivalent; since Ranma and Akane are sophomores, they are 15 in America, not 16 as in Japan. Everyone else is handled similarly.

Kung-Fool

by Joe Fenton

Chapter 1: Look What The Cat Dragged In

Rain fell softly as Sean Tandy flipped through the mail. He stopped at a post card.

'Bringing Robert from China, Gabriel.'

Simple enough on the surface. Sean sat crying as he thought of all the plans he and his old friend made so many years before. "I've been waiting so long! I must tell the girls!"

He found Cassandra in the kitchen, fixing lunch. "Cassie!"

She paused. "Yes Daddy?"

"I'm calling a family meeting. Where are your sisters?"

She thought about it a moment, then started on the sandwiches again. "Nabby's in her room. I believe Karen's still jogging."

Sean nodded and left her to finish. He climbed the stairs to the top floor where the girl's rooms where. He stopped himself before entering Abigail's room, remembering the dressing down he had gotten for not respecting her privacy. He knocked on the door, calling out, "Nabby? Can I come in?"

His middle daughter's voice came through the door. "Sure, Dad. Come on in."

He opened the door to find her reading a comic. A can of diet soda sat on the desk close enough for her to reach. "I need to speak with you and your sisters. When Karen gets back from her jog, please bring her to the living room." He waited for an acknowledgement.

"No problemo." She flipped another page, then looked up. "Close the door on your way out."

Sean sighed and left his middle girl. He descended the stairs, lost in thought. He couldn't wait to see what Gabriel had picked up on their training trip; he sometimes thought about how much better he and his old friend would have been had they had a decent master themselves... say, one of those diminutive perverted masters of old. He punched himself in the head. What was he thinking? He had daughters! Well, it was now just a matter of waiting.

****

The rain was starting to slack off as Sean confronted his girls in the living room.

"Girls, I heard from my old training partner today. He's bringing his son by."

Abigail gave him a piercing stare. "You didn't need to get us all together to tell us we're having guests. You would have just told us straight out. So, what's the _real_ reason we're here?"

He took a deep breath. "Well, we were thinking that if one of you girls were to marry his boy, we could join the schools and families." He paused to let that sink in. He didn't have to wait long.

Karen shrieked in anger, "_What_?! You actually expect one of us to marry someone we've never met?!"

Cassandra looked a little dismayed. "Really, Daddy. I can't believe you'd actually try to arrange a marriage for us."

"I'm not saying any of you have to marry the boy." He held up a hand to forestall any additional outburst. "What I _am_ saying is that if one of you _were_ to marry Robert, my will dictates they would receive the bulk of the estate."

The girls sat silent a moment. While they were hardly rich, they had several acres of prime California property and enough shares that Sean was mostly retired, only making a pretense of running a martial arts school.

Abigail was the first to find her voice. "Is he handsome?" She might be interested if he was good looking. A handsome boyfriend and being at the top of her father's will wouldn't be _too_ bad.

Karen rounded on her sister. "I can't believe you're even considering this! He's trying to bribe one of us into marrying his friend's kid! You don't know anything about him! What if he's a pervert or something?!"

Abigail rolled her eyes, but she did have a valid pint. "So, Daddy. What _is_ this Robert like?"

Sean looked her straight in the eye. "I haven't the slightest idea."

All three girls jumped up. "_What_?!"

Abigail glared. "You want one of us to marry your friend's son, and you have no idea what he's like?!"

Sean shook his head. "I've never met the boy, but I'm sure he's turned out fine. Gabriel took him on the road when he was five to study The Art. We needed to improve the school so we could regain our standing."

Karen growled at that, taking it as a personal insult since she was the heir to the Tandy school.

Sean continued, oblivious to his youngest's ire. "They traveled to China a few years back to study at a few Shaolin temples. You can't get much further than a couple of dan rankings at schools here in the U.S., so they decided to go to the source, so to speak."

Karen stopped growling. Maybe the boy might be worth getting to know. Not that she'd consider marrying him, of course. It was just that her father would never train her seriously. It sounded like Daddy's friend was much more serious about The Art. She gave a hint of a smile. Maybe she could talk him into training her as well while they were staying here. Besides, she didn't need the estate; she was going to be a big star in action movies. All she needed was that one big tournament win.

****

A giant panda walked down the streets carrying a red-headed girl. They only received cursory glances. This _was_ California, after all. They had already passed a lady in gold-lamé walking a Bengal tiger. It was the girl's reaction to the tiger that had precipitated her current state of unconsciousness. It was either knock her out or chase her half way across the county.

The girl started to revive in the light rainfall as they approached a large compound. The property held a large house and secondary building, surrounded by a tall stone wall. A sign on the wall proclaimed, 'Tandy School of Martial Arts. Challengers ring the bell and wait.' The panda entered the gate and proceeded to the house.

Inside, the Tandys were finishing lunch as they heard a knock at the front door.

Cassandra was quickly to her feet. "We have visitors!"

Abigail jumped up. "Maybe it's Robert!" She hurried to the entrance, a step ahead of her father as the others moved into the living room. That put her a step behind him as they ran back into the living room. A giant panda carrying a struggling figure followed them into the room.

The figure was cursing in a fairly crude manner as it was dropped to the floor from the panda's shoulder. "Damn it, Pop! I ain't a little kid to be carried around like that!" The girl noticed the crowd of people staring. "Uh, sorry about this." She flipped her pigtail back over her shoulder, then scratched the back of her head, her rain-soaked shirt making everyone there quite aware of the girls gender... _and_ the lack of a bra. "I'm Robert Southerland."

Sean Tandy was subjected to a pair of shocks: first, having a giant panda drag a girl in an almost transparent shirt into his home; second, having said girl introduce herself as his would-be son-in-law. He took the only sensible course of action under the circumstances, he passed out.

****

Sean woke in his easy-chair. It was reclined back as far as it would go, and Cassandra stood next to him, applying a cloth dipped in cold water to his forehead. The girl sat on the couch next to Abigail. Sean hastily averted his eyes. The girl's shirt was still plastered to her chest in a most distracting fashion.

Cassandra dipped the cloth in a bowl, rung it out, and reapplied it to her father's forehead. "Poor Daddy. He's _so_ disappointed!"

Abigail glared at her. "_He's_ disappointed?! Some fiancé _this_ turned out to be!"

Karen frowned at her older sister. "Chill out, Nabby. It doesn't matter, she's still our guest. _I_ think it's actually better this way."

Abigail noticed her father's return to consciousness. "How could you confuse a girl with a boy?!"

Sean frowned. "He said he had a _son_! His name was _Robert_, for God's sake!"

Abigail grabbed one of the firm globes showing though the wet shirt and gave it a squeeze. "Does this look like a _son_ to you?!"

Robert turned a bright red. "Um... would you please stop that?"

Karen slapped her sister's hand, then smiled at the girl. "I'm Karen. You're into martial arts, right? Would you like to spar?"

The girl gave her first smile. "Yeah, thanks. I'd really like that."

They walked out the sliding glass doors in the dining room and followed the sidewalk to the practice hall. Karen gave the girl a curious look. "So how'd you get a name like Robert?"

She looked uncomfortable. "Pop says it was my grandpa's name."

Karen nodded. "Ah. A family name. Kinda weird though, giving it to a girl."

Robert stumbled. "Uh, yeah." She looked around the hall. "Nice place. Pretty big for a dojo."

Karen looked around. "I suppose. Daddy told us it was a greenhouse at one point in time. He converted it after inheriting the place." She gave the girl an appraising look. "So, you do a little karate, don't you?"

Robert nodded. "A little." That was technically true. She hadn't done anything as basic as karate in years.

Karen gave her a predatory smile. "Don't worry, I'll go easy on you."

They squared off, Karen in a typical equilateral triangle stance, while Robert just stood loosely. Karen waited for a moment, then decided the girl wasn't going to take a stance.

She led with a quick jab. This will be over quick, she thought to herself.

Robert bent at the waist, allowing the punch to pass by. She hopped lightly over a sweep kick.

Karen narrowed her eyes. The girl was using a rather deceptive stance. She raised the level of her attacks, chaining several moves together instead of just using individual moves. A punch flowed into another sweep that became a spin kick. The girl danced around all three.

Karen wiped the sweat from her eyes. "You're defense is pretty damn good! How are you on offense?"

Robert shrugged. "Not bad if I do say so. Maybe _you_ can tell _me_." She slid up beside Karen before the girl was aware she had even moved. She grabbed a forearm and a quick twist sent Karen flying.

Karen was so shocked at the move, she almost forgot how to fall. She quickly rolled back to the ready position and smiled. "Not bad indeed. But you won't catch me off guard like that again!"

Robert smiled and charged. As Karen raised her arms in a defensive block, she was shocked to find the girl no longer in front of her. In a somersault with a complete twist, Robert landed behind the stunned girl and tapped the back of her head. She backed off as she watched Karen gape.

Robert scratched the back of her head and gave a couple chuckles.

Karen smiled and joined her. "You're _good_! I'm glad you're a girl."

Robert's expression fell. "Why's that?"

"Well, it means your dad is willing to train a girl without holding back. I never could get _my_ dad to do that."

Robert boggled, then fell over, laughing too hard to stand. Karen frowned as she waited for the girl to wind down.

Robert's laughter eventually tapered off. She sat up, wiping her eyes. "Sorry about that. I think I've needed that for the last few weeks." She looked embarrassed. "I hate to burst your balloon, but I wouldn't get my hopes up just yet about my old man training you."

Karen gave her a hand up. "Well, we'll see." She looked the girl over. "I like your outfit. Is that silk?"

Robert nodded. "Yeah. You wouldn't _believe_ how cheap the stuff is in China. I smuggled a load out of the country to pay our way back. No way I was going to shovel coal again." She shrugged. "I still have a pile of outfits like this one if you want a few."

Karen was baffled by her statement, but quick to take her up on the offer. "Sure. Thanks!" She reddened a bit. "Um, but I'd at least wear a sports bra with that, if I were you. _Especially_ when it's raining."

Robert shook her head. "Can't! I, um, got a _condition_ that prevents me from wearing one."

Karen shrugged. "Well, you can bring one those outfits up to my room. Do you have the shirt in another color? Red's not my best color."

Robert smiled. "How about blue? I think you'd look great in blue." She quickly turned red again.

Karen laughed at her reaction. "Blue's great. It's one of my favorite colors." She led the other girl back to the house. She went upstairs to her room while Robert went to get the clothes from her pack.

Abigail wandered over as Robert was rooting through her pack. "You know the old guy in the living room with my dad?"

Robert nodded. "Yeah, that's my pop."

Abigail looked puzzled. "When did he come in? And where did the panda go?"

Robert started to sweat. "Uh, I have to take these to Karen. Which room is hers?"

Abigail glared. "You're trying to avoid my question. As to which room is Karen's, there are little signs Cassie made with our names on each of our rooms. Now, how does a giant panda just vanish into thin air?"

Robert pulled a couple sets of clothes from her pack. "Pop will explain it sooner or later." She mumbled under her breath, "hopefully _much_ later."

Abigail sighed. "Okay. You may go." She waved a hand negligently. "Oh! Cassandra said you need to shower before dinner."

Robert waved in acknowledgement as she ran up the stairs. The second door had a duck with 'Karen' embossed on it. She twisted the handle and stepped inside. "Hey, Karen. Brought a couple -"

She bit off her statement, and nearly her tongue as well. Karen stood in just a bra and panties, absently wiping off what little sweat she worked up in their match.

Robert quickly spun around and held out the outfits behind her. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to look!"

Karen laughed good-naturedly. "You really have spent the last ten years on the road. It's just us girls here."

Robert's face nearly matched the color of her hair. "Uh, you're going to find out sooner or later, but I'm not a girl."

Karen took the proffered clothes and started donning one of the outfits, admiring the feel of the silk. She muttered, "a little big, but Cassie can take it in." She walked over to where Robert had her back turned and reached around her front. Robert yelped and jumped a foot when Karen grabbed her crotch.

Karen backed off and held up her hands to ward off the outraged girl. "Just checking! I think Nabby pretty well demonstrated those breasts are real earlier. I was just checking for the other tell-tale characteristic." She pointed a finger at the fuming red-head. "You are most _definitely_ a girl!"

Robert looked nonplussed. "Okay... Cassandra wanted me to shower off before dinner. If you don't freak out, I think you should see something." She moved down the hall toward the stairs, muttering under her breath, "besides, this just even things out."

The girl picked out another Chinese outfit from her pack and headed for the bathroom. Karen was waiting for her.

"Okay, what is it you wanted to show me?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

Robert stared for a second. "Wow. You really do look good in blue." She shook her head as Karen turned red. She started the shower, then pulled off her clothes.

Karen blushed a little more. "Uh, look, I really don't swing that way."

Robert whirled to face her. "It's not like that! It's... arrrrr!" She threw her hands up in irritation. "Just watch, okay?"

The girl stepped into the shower. Her form stretched and remolded itself, becoming taller and more angular. The breasts disappeared into a broad chest. Karen looked a little lower and passed out. Robert sighed and finished washing off.

****

Karen woke in her room on her bed. She sat up with a jerk, jumped up, then ran downstairs. Her family was in the living room along with an older man and the boy from the shower. She pointed at the boy. "You! You're really you! Aren't you?!"

Abigail shook her head in confusion. "Could you try that again from the top? With subtitles?"

The older man held up a hand to cut off the conversation. "Let's just straighten things out. I am Gabriel Southerland, and this is my son Robert."

Robert nodded in acknowledgement.

Karen still looked a little wild. "But he was a girl!"

Gabriel nodded. "While we were training in China, we acquired a curse. When we come in contact with cold water, our forms change to those you saw earlier."

Abigail gaped at the man. "Then the panda -"

He nodded. "Was me. Yes. The curse is only temporary. Hot water returns us to our normal forms, as Karen can testify."

Karen rounded on the boy. "You really are a boy! You pervert!" She slapped him.

Robert rubbed his face. "What was that for?!"

"You were peeping on me in my room!"

"That was an accident! I turned around immediately! Besides, you got a better look at me than I did of you."

She slapped him again. "You _pervert_! Exposing yourself like that! What do you plan to do next?!"

He rubbed the other side of his face. "Quit doing that! I'm _not_ a pervert! You wouldn't believe I wasn't a girl! You made me show you!"

Karen reddened. "I did no such thing!"

Robert glared. "Who was it grabbing whom? And at least I turned away instead of staring until I passed out." He looked smug. Right up until the end table knocked him out.

****

Robert awoke in one of the guest rooms on a twin size bed. "Ohhhhh, what hit me?"

Abigail spoke from the doorway. "That would be Atilla the nun."

Cassandra spoke in a shocked tone. "Nabby! Don't say such things about your sister!" She took the wet cloth from the girl's forehead. "Sorry about all this. Karen can be a little over-excitable at times."

Robert started to nod, then stopped in pain. She noticed something. "Wasn't I a boy when I was clobbered?"

Cassandra showed her the cloth. "Apparently, it takes very little water to trigger your curse."

Robert cursed under her breath. "Yeah. It's a real pain sometimes." She glanced at the girls. "So what happened while I was out?"

Abigail shrugged. "Nothing important. You and your dad will be staying here awhile, you'll stay in the upstairs guest room while here, and you start at Franklin High tomorrow." She started to leave, then stopped. "Oh, and Karen's your fiancée." She walked off.

Robert's face twisted in a grimace. "School. What a drag. Got better things to do with my time than -" She stopped muttering as Abigail's last words finally penetrated. "_WHAT_?!"

_End Chapter 1_

Next time, first day at Franklin High.

More author's notes: Okay, for those who need it, here's the character chart.

Ranma Saotome - Robert Southerland, sophomore (15).  
Genma Saotome - Gabriel Southerland, first name chosen deliberately for the irony.  
Akane Tendo - Karen Tandy, sophomore (15).  
Nabiki Tendo - Abigail Tandy, junior (16), name chosen because the diminutive of Abigail is Nabby.  
Kasumi Tendo - Cassandra Tandy, freshman in local community college (18).  
Soun Tendo - Sean Tandy.  
Ryoga Hibiki - Roger Hickman, high school drop-out (16). I know that Ranma and Ryoga were both high-school freshmen (or third year junior-high in anime) when they met, but Ryoga strikes me as fairly stupid. So for this story, he got left back a grade to be in the same class as Ranma. He dropped out (legal in nearly all states at 16) to chase Ranma.  
Tatewaki Kuno - Thaddeus Kurtz, junior (16).  
Kodachi Kuno - Cordelia Kurtz, sophomore (15).

I'll add more characters to the chart as needed. 


End file.
